Hoekom is alles wat ek bak so k@k?

October 21st, 2014 § 2 comments § permalink

Dit was nie altyd so nie. Toe ek drie jaar gelede na Spanje getrek het was ek nie ‘n great bakker nie, maar bakpoeier het my ook nie bang gemaak nie. Na ‘n paar jaar van ingesonke, half-gebrande of rou brousels is ek omtrent bakverskrik en koekbedroef. Was dit die Spaanse meel, die humiditeit van die Baskland, die tien huise in drie jaar, elk met sy  eie nukkerige oond en eklektiese versameling kombuistoebehore? Wat maak dit saak. Ek is nie verniet terug in Suid-Afrika nie. Ek het meetkoppie in die hand gaan aanklop by ‘n Groot Koekedoor. The one, the only…

 

THE CAKENATOR

 

Dis reg maats. Ons eie Mari-Louis Guy, een helfde van die sexy Cakebread duo wat wonderlike bak- en kookboeke uit ooze terwyl hulle pragblaaie vol bros en sappige kos stileer, blogs skryf, advertensies skiet, kinders grootmaak, vriende vermaak en general coolness uitstraal. Het ek genoem sy’s een van drie beoordelaars wat volgende jaar op KykNet se Koekedoor haar pad deur honderde koeke gaan proe om SA se bobaas bakker aan te wys? Einste. As iemand my flenters ego kan red, is dit sy.

 

 

Spray & Cooked!

 

Ek kan boekdele oor ML skryf maar in ‘n neutedop, when life gives her lemons, she candies the peel and whips the pulped flesh into a moist, lemony confection while sipping on a punch bowl-sized margarita and yelling GIMME MORE! Sy is ‘zest’ personified en ek lief haar daarvoor. Ek ken niemand anders wat swaarkry en terugslae met soveel grasie omarm en oorkom nie. En sy kan bak, o wragtag. Mens staan nog en klets, dan rol ‘n sakkie fudge uit haar mou wat sy gou vir ‘n skoolbasaar aanmekaar geslaan het terwyl ek op die toilet sit en Instagram check.  Talk about needing help!

 

Maar eers, 'n klein koppie stilte...

 

“As ek bak, bak ek alleen. Versier doen ek met geselskap.” Ongelukkig moes ons een van haar goue reëls breek. Dit was so lekker om mekaar te sien, ons het onmiddellik vreeslik aan die skinder praat geraak en summier die prys daarvoor betaal. Ons doel was om Donna Hay se sjokolade meringue koek te bak. Omdat die señor mal is oor sjokolade en ek hom wou impress, maar ook omdat ek skeitbang is vir meringue. Al daai slap, halstarrige eierwitte. Dis my kulinêre weergawe van arachnophobia. Ek’s seker ‘n Kitchen Aid in enige kleur sal my hiervan genees, maar ek het nog nooit een besit nie. ML het ‘n pragtige ligbloue. Ten spyte daarvan het ons so baie gepraat versuim om die eiergele te klop voor ons dit by die gesmelte sjokolade gevoeg het. Nie ‘n doodskoot nie maar die koekbeslag het beslis ‘n knou gekry – minder lug as wat optimaal sou wees. En dis presies hier waar die bobaas bakster en die busker se paaie skei. ML het besluit om met die koek voort te gaan, maar het onmiddellik ook met ‘n tweede koek begin. Sy val nie sommer met die eerste terugslag plat nie. Donna was ook nie sonder skuld nie, want die resep sou kon doen met ‘n paragraaf of twee om belangrike stappe te onderskei.

DUH Donna! Paragraphs please

 

“As ek ‘n flop bak, neem ek aan dis ek wat die fout gemaak het. Baie mense dink dis die resep.”

Kom ons neem ‘n oomblik om hierdie klontjie ML wysheid te laat insink. Reg. Met twee koeke in produksie en ‘n paar wedersydse shut-ups hernude fokus het dinge begin lekker lyk.

 

Pragtig. Die meringue ook

 

 

Punt in die wind

 

ML se top tips vir lekker meringue maak:

1. Alle bestanddele moet teen kamertemperatuur gebruik word.

2. Klop eierwitte in ‘n glas of vlekvrye staal bak wat kurkdroog en silwerskoon is (geen vet of water).

3. Eierwitte MOET sagtepunt stadium bereik voor jy enigiets bygooi.

4. Die ware Jakob meringue bevat nie meelblom of asyn nie. Dis eerder ‘n pavlova, vandaar die chewy tekstuur. Yum.

 

Morsig maar mooi

KV: Ek dink al my gebak was so k@k omdat ek nooit die regte equipment in Spanje gehad het nie, bv. mens MOET ‘n skaal hê, en ‘n decent blender, en die regte bakke en dinge. Plus ek lees nooit die resep deur nie, al weet ek mens moet. En ek is sleg met reëls volg. En dan’s daar nog die verskil in bestanddele tussen hier en daar. Soos toe ek vir Ben ‘n verjaardagkoek probeer bak het. Wat is jou top tips vir bakgemak?

ML: Ek lees altyd die resep ten minste twee, verkieslik drie keer deur. Maak seker dat jy al die regte bestanddele byderhand en verkieslik afgemeet het, voor jy begin. En natuurlik, die regte kombuistoebehore maak ‘n groot verskil. Met koekbak is pangrootte BAIE belangrik. Check heel eerste dat jy die regte grootte in die huis het.

KV: Terloops, maak dit saak watter kant van die bakpapier mens gebruik?

ML: Nee. Het jy geweet waspapier is nie dieselfde as bakpapier nie?

KV: Nee. Fok.Dit verklaar seker nog ‘n paar flops!

ML: Het jy die timer gestel toe ons die koek ingesit het?

KV: Nee… Sorry.

ML: *sug* (oogrol) Kom ons voel gou. As die koek sponserig terugbons is dit reg.

Een effens oorbakte koek kry sy meringue-deksel

 

Intussen is koek nommer 2, waarvan die eiergele geklop is voor dit vermeng is, mooi besig om te rys in die oond. Afskeepkoek nommer 1 is met sy glansende meringue-deksel die oond in om klaar te bak. Met die pressure effens af, arriveer ML se broer Callie Maritz asof gestuur. Vergeet van ‘n soettand, die ou se hele lyf is ‘n suiker vortex. Danksy ‘n bier-en-banting diëet sou mens dit nie kon raai nie.

 

Kyk hoe cake hy vir my!

 

Benewens bitter harde werk en talent, vermoed ek Cakebread se sukses het iets te make met die Neil Diamond CD wat nou al jare lank vassit in ‘n stukkende CD speler in die hoek van die kombuis. Hulle weier om dit reg te maak of daarvan ontslae te raak, soos ‘n ou haaspoot wat geluk bring en herinner; hierdie is Weskus kinders wat kleintyd moes leer plaatkoek bak terwyl hul raakvatter ma die pot aan die kook gehou het.

 

Rock star plus one

Ai, as ek maar altyd met ML kon bak. Nog ‘n rede hoekom ek hierdie koek gekies het is, in Donna se eie woorde: “This cake is supposed to look cracked and uneven – don’t be alarmed if it cracks or collapses a little.” So dis ‘n redelike  forgiving resep en die kanse dat jou koek net so cracked soos Donna s’n sal lyk is, frankly, HUGE. En dit pas my.

 

Donna se koek

Ons koeke

 

Albei koeke was heerlik, maar nommer 2 was beslis ligter en lekkerder. Deels omdat die eiergele geklop is op die regte tyd en ook omdat ek onthou het om die klok dop te hou. Basiese goed. Mens moet dit net doen. ML was gaaf genoeg om nommer 2 met my huistoe te stuur en die señor was wel beIndruk. Sukses, soete sukses!

Dankie Mari-Louis vir jou bereidwilligheid om my treurige bak alter ego ‘n hupstoot te gee nie. Ek kannie wag om jou en ‘n klomp koeke op TV te sien nie!

Volg Mari-Louis op Twitter en Instagram by @marilouisguy en vind Cakebread op  Facebook. Besoek gerus haar en Callie se lekkerlees blog Kalm terwyl dit weergalm by Huisgenoot.com

Koekedoor word vroeg 2015 op KykNet uitgesaai.

 

Ek dra hierdie blog post met liefde op aan Lise Weyer-Henderson wat hopeloos te vroeg, tragies oorlede is op die dag wat ek en Mari-Louis so lekker laf gebak het. Die lewe is mooi, hard, onvoorspelbaar en eensklaps so ontsaglik hartseer. Lise was ‘n wonderlike kok, gasvrou, skepper, leermeester, ma en eggenoot wat haar hoekie van die Karoo met passie omskep het. Woorde raak weg in die groot leemte wat sy laat.

Lise en Ben op 'n lekker dag, verlede jaar

 

Do I look bloggered?

December 7th, 2011 § 15 comments § permalink

I haven’t blogged for so long I damn near forgot my password. So I went to Barcelona, ate at some fine restaurants, did the write-ups and stepped away from the machine. I could say it’s because I discovered I was totally iron-deficient and only ate liver, spinach, steak and almonds for a month. Or that I was hopelessly in love for the first time in centuries and turned into the oldest teenager on the block. Or maybe it’s just that I had the one under-whelming restaurant experience after the other.

How pretentious. Go overseas, eat at a couple of great restaurants and now nothing here is good enough? Not quite. It’s just that when I started this blog, restaurant reviews weren’t really going to feature. Due to my involvement with the Expresso Show on SABC3 that changed. The blog became restaurant review-driven. But successive mediocre over-priced meals started chipping away at my initial resolve to not bitch about other people’s efforts.

Now I feel like a cheap vacuum cleaner stuck in a corner. The following must be said.

I am totally gatvol of pseudo fine dining. It’s like a hologram of the real thing. Except for the prices. They are very real. An assemblage of decor, verbose menus, flavourless and overly engineered plated ‘elements’ that add jazz-hands visual appeal with no integrity. I feel so cheated when I eat this crap. It’s the food equivalent of Hong Kong Vuitton. And I don’t even like Vuitton. I know the South African public is gullible and tourists go far far away soon after they’ve been ripped off…

But enough of that. Unlike the predictable big five list of usual suspects that feature on too many mains menus. Hmm…. let me guess: duck, pork belly, springbok, linefish and steak. What do they do with the rest of that pig because everyone is so stuck on pork belly these days. With star anise and five spice? Now where have I seen that before….  EVERYWHERE!

Why is this getting to me now? Am I eating out too much? Probably. Which accounts for most of the bitterbek food critics out there. They’re just not hungry enough. For the record, I’m very happy with simple food, done well. The key is honesty. Walk your talk. Which brings me to my next point. Talk. I know food is bigger than sex these days and chefs are the new rock stars but try and be more like a drummer than a lead guitarist, okay. Just a thought. You never know when humble pie is served again.

Am I done am I done? No. Dammit. It’s almost too easy to take potshots at waiters in this country but this deserves a mention. I recently ordered shrimp cakes with an avocado salad as a main. Cakes. That’s plural, right? Shrimp. Undefined multitude, maybe? I received one large family-sized viskoek. Shrimp are small, I know. And they come frozen and devoid of mega flavour. But they’re cheap so given the price of the koek (R95) I expected it to be packed tighter than a bulimic’s tuck box.

The koek consisted of kingklip and mashed potato with max 5 fingernail-sized shrimp. I was disappointed. When I inquired as to the whereabouts of the shrimp in my shrimp cake, I was told by a slow and overly-familiar waitress that I should be grateful for the abundance of fresh kingklip in my cake. This pearl of eschewed logic was delivered as she spun her weighty self around on challenged ankles. To illustrate how silly I am? THIS IS NOT A GAME OF WHOTHEFUCKAREYOU LADY I felt like shouting at her. Bring the shrimp.

 

Exhibit A: half a cake splayed open to reveal its shrimp content

 

Another attempt at shaming her into admitting that the dish was a farce resulted in an explanation that the shrimp was chopped finely to ‘spread the flavour’. Micro-science is alive and well in Seapoint. No, I don’t want a complimentary dessert. Bring me a drink.

I first coined the term food fraud in Stellenbosch in the mid-nineties when I ordered a toasted baguette with mozzarella, sun-dried tomato and basil and got a floppy supermarket hot dog roll with cheddar cheese and tomato, microwaved to a radio-active pulp and then artfully wrapped in tin foil to resemble a giant metal sweetie.

I hate it when pretty words pimp nasty food.

Like a dessert I had at an otherwise nice establishment in Constantia recently. Don’t you think ‘Thyme brioche with lemon cream, blood orange jelly and meringue’ sounds nice? I did. An interesting departure from the usual dessert line-up which always includes some death-by-chocolate tart or fondant, pannacotta and/or crème brûlée and a berry mess.

 

Exhibit B: Trifle with borderline personality disorder

 

In the words of the late great Amy Winehouse, what kind of fuckery is this? Scatterlings of dry left-over breakfast brioche with not a hint of thyme, instant pudding-like custard with a limey twang, rock hard segments of blood orange jelly and the inexplicable addition of micro greens as garnish. Bwegh. As mentioned, this is an otherwise nice establishment so one can only hope this colourfast flavour-conundrum soon finds its way to the recipes-never-to-be-repeated file.

Does it feel good to get my bitch on? Not really. I’d rather have good food. I stopped blogging at about the same time Another Damned Food Blog appeared. It’s hilarious. An anonymous author rips into everything that’s fake, faddy and fraudulent in the food industry. No, it’s not me. I’ve been asked a few times and though flattered (bitch can write) I would never use the word fuck so much. Because I know like…you know, lots of words, like, adjectives and shit.

 

O where was I where was I… am I done? NO!!! How could I forget?! Cookbooks. Dear Lord! Please save us from the tsunami of mediocre google-cut-and-paste easy-as-microwave-pie bullshit books hitting the shelves roundabout now to fill the Christmas stockings of unsuspecting folk that really don’t need another potato bake recipe. I love Deon Meyer’s crime novels but why… WHY a cookbook by Deon Meyer? I recently looked at a food author’s work and got the sneaky feeling a brief sleuth session on google would deliver most of her recipes, with minor adjustments. I didn’t bother. I did however bother to make a dish from a recently launched cookbook by one of our very own celebrity chefs. Much like Anthony Bourdain’s most recent literary offering Medium Rare, I got the feeling this chef was prompted by his handlers to produce a cookbook because it would be the money-savvy thing to do, rather than the expression of a soul brimming with culinary inspiration. I made a lamb knuckle dish that asks for 100g sugar to 600g of knuckle. What the… protein rich malva pudding? All I’m saying is people are gonna wise up. So surf this wave of indiscriminate consumption but just keep an eye on the rapidly approaching shoreline.

Funny how the guys at the top – apart from being really good because they are simply propelled to care more, try harder – usually don’t indulge add-on fuckery. Thanks David Higgs for creating a truly delicious and well-priced menu at your new joint in Joburg, thanks Bertus Basson for keeping it rock and roll real, thanks George Jardine for your individualistic flavour profile, thanks Richard Carstens for being the bravest food dreamer, thanks Luke Dale Roberts for spinning the funk into fine dining (your gourmand menu remains top of my bucket list), thanks Kobus van der Merwe for your articulate take on our orphaned food history, thanks to the Italian family who own Asta la Pasta because I eat there more than anywhere else, thanks Toerie from Umami for the best lunches in town, thanks Baker family from Wild Peacock for being real time food heroes, thanks Margot Janse for being the only woman to have truly given the boys a run for their money. There are many more… especially cooks rather than chefs, that feed us nicely.

Cheers to you

 

Your ever-lovin Kitchen Vixen

 

 

 

 

D-Day

August 1st, 2011 § 6 comments § permalink

Demo day arrived. Duck and Pinot Noir pairing for an audience of 30 at the annual Stellenbosch Wine Festival. Thanks to chef Mark Radnay and his ICA students I didn’t have much cooking to do. I prepared the beetroot relish and the jelly in advance (several times, as documented in The Jelly Olympics), which is a good thing as I had to interact with the audience for 45 minutes. I think the whole thing about women being such great multi-taskers is complete crap. Devised by men in the sixties to encourage us to do both paid and domestic work and not moan too much about the increased workload. I’ve worked in the film industry and publishing and can assure you that women in demanding positions are invariably… tricky. I for one lose my top lip when strung out. It’s a family thing.

 

But I gain a chin when baffled

.

I never went to the Stellenbosch Wine Festival as a student* because I only started drinking wine at the ripe old age of 27. I know. Missed out on years of booze cruising through the winelands. So I was ill-prepared for the onslaught of very young wine lovers. Fortunately my audience was mostly mature and sober. Even the young ones. I had the 12 o’clock slot. Here’s me pretending to read a Clover cookbook while they filed in.

 

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